Christopher CampbellIn this world where getting into a relationship is as easy as instant messaging and instant coffees. There is this girl who always believed that love is a sacred thing. It is something that you can’t just add to your priorities like as if it just a necklace to add on your loud colored…
What if s/he wasn’t the milk?…
but the cereal
Not dem’ plain Corn Flakes
naw, I’m talking bout’ dem’ Cheerios
S/he was your breakfast in bed
the Sunny side up on your eggs
that brain freeze up in your head
that nicely toasted slice of bread…
and everything, but spilled milk
I don’t know about you…
But losing a good meal, is worth a few tears.
What if s/he wasn’t the milk…
— Ecclesiast G. aka The Champ.
I once contemplated suicide.
I gave it the faintest moment,
which seemed to go on for an eternity.
It was cold, rainy, and I was tired.
Dealing with the feeling of abandonment, hunger, and poverty;
(Free Lunch program can only cover so much nutrition if any)
I figured why not?
Why not just end this?
Let the darkest take hold;
and damn near give up.
Why keep up with this game.
All the while thinking why am I here?
Where is justice, where is equality of means…
We all know how it ends.
I’m not hero. I don’t make it.
I didn’t see pass a week.
There were kids making plans for their futures.
Buzzing around me, talking about what they would do.
There were kids at parties.
Hanging out with other kids,
whose issues ranged from Mom and Dad coming home late.
Kids with families, that asked them,
“Son, what do you want to do…”
All I could think of is, “F!@#$, I didn’t have that.”
and the faint echo of my aunt, telling me to watch my language,
as her work load beat her over and over again.
I didn’t have the question. I didn’t have the voices.
I wished I could have created them.
I wished that I could separate myself for them.
Maybe have a few personalities;
one who was the responsible one,
the other the child,
and another the cool one.
I just needed advice.
I wished I could split….
But I don’t think that’s how it works.
I wished on a lot of things that didn’t come true.
I was just wishing on cold days, rainy nights,
and taxable shifts at McDonald’s since this was my life.
So I contemplated on ending it.
Maybe a sharp knife.
Even heard of people who slit their wrist.
Or free falling, because that would be easiest but I lived in Miami.
Maybe I was too catholic, maybe I was too busy, too stressed…
So like all things…
The rain stopped. Stillness came.
The moment passed.
I might have been spared by the Guardian Angel
who spent most of my childhood;
Keeping me upbeat,
keeping me thinking,
keeping me hopeful…
So that day I contemplated suicide.
With the last name of the man, who never wanted me.
If that moment lasted way more than it should have,
I would of ended up missing out on becoming a Marine,
I would have missed out on learning how to dance,
I would have missed out my first girlfriend,
I would have missed all the travel that I got to do,
I would have missed all the opportunities that laid in front of me.
So when the day comes and it all goes dark with rain and thunderstorms,
Just know you will end up farther than you image,
You will end up being greater than the sum of your situation,
And most importantly you will end up inspiring loads of people,
people just like you;
People who contemplated suicide, the day before they meet you…
Notes: After my latest Miami mentoring and volunteering run; one kid came to me and asked how he could make a difference. I told him a simple way (*youtube.com: make a vid and post it); he said it was impossible. I tried to convince him for another 15-20 min. I ran out of time and I couldn’t undo years of self-doubts with minutes of positive affirmation. So this piece is for the kid who gave up, never having to try.
Cause back then…
Real niggas were real niggers.And real niggas didn’t call each other boys or dogs
cause Lord knows breathing is easy but… living is hard.
This was a time when all black men showed black women love…
Shielded them from their master’s whip while… giving them a hug
Didn’t call’em hoes but called them beautiful African queens
Sacrificed their dreams while taking their love to the extreme
Real niggas… died for their women.
cause these were real men.
Not the watered down Essence Magazine version
or 106 & Park, BET, Source Magazine thug
or the nigga on the street corner looking for dope to sell
or that… nigga doin 5 to 10 years up in a jail cell but a real nigga who treated his wife like heaven while he went through hell!
See any nigga can pull a trigger…
but a real nigga fights his fights with his hands.
And any nigga can have a son…
but a real nigga teaches his boy to be a man.
Cause avoiding your responsibility does not require bravery
AND THE ONLY THING
I said THE ONLY THING a real nigga ever ran from was called slavery!
Not that unborn child you left back home that’cha too afriad to raise
or the commitment you owe that girl you been with for 3 years 6 months and 17 days … see…
I’m just being real while… some of ya bein fake…
and truth be told.. some of ya bout as real as…
Michael Jackson’s face …….. on steroids.
So I won’t get woo’ed by this crowd cause some of ya play that game
when you… snap ya fingers… do ya step…
and you… SHOUT OUT my name and say:“THAT’S… MY… (NIGGA!)”
And nigga… no disrespect to you, but…
which nigga am I?…
Was your emphasis placed on that? or…
Was it placed on my?…
See I was raised to take the word nigga as a compliment
Then I found out the same word was used to label the dumb and incompetent.
Then there’s the modern pre-text in which the word is now used and if you ain’t from the hood… then it might leave you confused cause…
There’s a difference between
“Yo that’s my nigga” and.. “Yo that’s that nigga!”…
and the difference is a semi-automatic… wit a finger on the trigger.
So nigga I say to you it’s time we stop shooting one another
Cause you might say: “Yo I shot that nigga!” … but truth be told…
you shot a brother… a father… a friend.. and a son..
And if you were a real nigga… you wouldn’t of had to use a gun.
But see you just a Tease Nigga.
Kraft Macaronni & Cheese Nigga.
Straight up Diseased Nigga and you make me sick to the point where I… cannot… heal
Cause if there’s anything I’m allergic to it’s the opposite of real and YOU… ARE NOT… A REAL… NIGGA!
None of us are…
See real niggas were whipped for over 400 years and on their backs they carried the scars and…
Real niggas were chained, hanged, and defamed, and like Toby…
OOPS I mean Kunta Kinte they… lost their real name and..
Real niggas couldn’t wear Jordans… they…
didn’t wear shoes
and they couldn’t vote or go to school unlike me and you
AND THROUGH EVERYTHING! ….
Real niggas still knew how to stand tall …
and even real niggas knew… THEY WEREN’T NIGGAS AT ALL.
– Written by Ecclesiast VesseL aka The Champ Guerrier