Fixation

She steps fwd.

Reaches with her right,

while she makes eye contact,

They always like that.

 

She seen it on TV,

Read about it books,

So she steps fwd,

Reaches for her fixation.

 

Plays with her thoughts,

Runs through that familiar feeling,

The first time, and every time.

 

She’s nervous,

Steadies her nerves,

Enjoys the moment,

Makes eye contact,

Because they always love that.

 

These are the words

that the pages can’t express,

The knowledge, only gain through pract. app.

She is vulnerable,

Intrigued,

Excited.

Enjoying her moment.

 

Her thoughts moistened her tongue,

She sucks the soul out the room,

Applies for the job.

Fixated.

She makes eye contact.

 

She knows they like that.

 

Her tongue expresses fantasies,

She is vulnerable,

She melts into her groove,

She sucks the life out the room,

Fixated on her goal,

 

They love that $hit.

 

She reaches,

Grips with her right,

And pulls it closer.

Fixated and enjoying the moment.

 

She climaxes,

Shares her vulnerability on the mic,

Expressing words that pages couldn’t hold,

sharing her story,

She makes eye contact.

 

They snap cuz they love that shit.

She smiles cuz I like that sssshhhhh.

 

*Ode to the Lyricist.

The storyteller.

The liar

The lifelong friend.

 

-$100k

Journal entry #37

Well all my machinations have finally come full circle. Sigh of relief. Starting March 1st 2017, I can officially say that my net worth is equal to a Fat “0”.

Going from -$100k to ZERO was the struggle. But I learned loads of lessons. So much of my brain power went to solving epic riddle. Like rotating a cube that keeps changing its featutes. Many ideas came to mind. I made it a game;

  • Playable character, complete with skill sets.
  • Random dialogues and multiple side quests.
  • So many features, so many plotlines… so many NPCs.
  • Mini Bosses, Mini games, overall quests,
  • So much Spam and Junk Mail..

Phrases that helped me break the societal Gengutsu;

  • “That’s just Prime” (Optimus Primal, Beastwars)
  • “Rolling the Hard Six” (Battlestar Gallactica)
  • “Semper Fi”, “Having the Moral Courage”, “Once more into the Breach” (Marines)
  • “Don’t argue the free throw line”, “One more turn at the screw” (my own)
  • “Can’t see the Forest for the Trees” (Tom Cruise, Max Reacher)
  • Think (MLK)
  • My fav, “the climb” (Game of Thrones)

Next machinations will lead to $250k in 4 years. I’ve heard everyone saying it’s impossible. I let them believe in their matrix. Student loan debt free in 8 years. Dem or Rep, I don’t give a @!#%. It’s a game. There are rules, levels, and distractions.

My end game. Originally it was to save ….. @#$% that, these folks don’t want to be saved. Besides I don’t have the power of persuasion to help them. I guess they will be alright… or not.

Well when i close out, catch me in a villa in Brazil or somewhere international.

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Embers

She said treat her like fire,

Curious to the touch,

She is life and death,

She burns,

Leveling fields,

Falling into ashes,

She said treat her like fire…

Swallow her whole,

and breathe her essence into the world,

Watch as they gaze in amazement,

While you extend to give her, room.

She dances,

Surrounded by flares of gold,

Edges of rubby,

Rendering cold nights warm against her flesh,

Inspiring passion.

She is lust that flirts with the wind,

healing open wounds,

Running through threads,

She gives birth to death,

She said treat her like fire…

To be careful with her heart,

To breathe air so that she nourishes life,

So that she blooms,

Igniting embers of energy,

Bringing sight,

Depth to the shallows,

Perception to reality.

She said treat her like fire;

She can burn,

But she would rather love.

To be cared for,

so her spark doesn’t fade through the long night.  

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Cruel

Snaps, smudges and fingers

Technical skills,

with surgical precision.

 

In a car, on a train, in any mirror.  

 

Every reflection,

Showcases deep insecurities,

Superficially inflated egos,

Facades and personas.

 

Tears every night.

 

Cash, check, gift cards,

Tradeoffs for

 

Matted skin,

Covered pores,

Eyelashes,

Blended techniques,

Dramatic Shadows at 7 am.

 

How do you appreciate what you have if you never learned to love it back when…

 

Constantly competing,

Scared to be alone.

Gotta be bad and bougie,

Got to be prim and proper,

Serious but not angry,

Supporting but not resentful…

 

Independent but not lonely.

 

Layers and layers of Dos and Don’ts,

Matted textures,

False lashes,

Countours,

Slimming shades,

Extensions….

 

To capture the eye and affection of friends,

To capture the heart of lovers,

To capture the attention of the one.

 

You do all this,

Until you say I do,

While for him,

you could have been anyone.

 

For him,

you could have been just another one…

 

How Cruel are we as men,

To strip women of the effort,

Expose them, display their naked skin,

To fault them for what they are not,

Pick out the pieces that they have,

Highlight what they don’t,

To miss who they really are,

How cruel are we to be this carefree…

 

To judge endlessly.

Missing the effort,

Missing the broken heart of

Matted skin,

Rosy blush,

Concealers,

Lash effects,

and covered souls.

 

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Voicemail

Sorry about the missed calls. 

Somewhere along the way I didn’t pick up…

In truth, I didn’t want to pick up.

Or I didn’t have anything to say…

So I let it ring…

 

I let it go to voicemail a few times,

I let it go until I didn’t receive any more calls,

Until there were no more voice messages to sift through.

No more awkward conversations.

No more pauses.

So I’m sorry that I couldn’t pick up.

I miss your voice.

The excitement.

The energy. I was always elated when you picked up. You always wanted me to share so much… so many details.

So many layers, so much joy.

So much more…

I got the gig,

And a tuxedo.

Real james bond type stuff.

Still need to learn how to tie a bowtie.

 

I got the house.

Yes, I was able to finally get the bachelor pad. It’s nice, hardwood floors and a fireplace.

You would have loved it.

I’m living the life you always wanted for me.

I can finally afford, the little things.

Even got a chance to go to Brazil.

 

I was talking about it for so long.

But I held my promise.

You would of loved it so much.

 

I always wanted to go with you.

Travel the edges of the world.

Maybe even rented the castle airbnb in Europe aka the Chateau.

I wonder if you fly there on a whim now.

I wonder if you’re happy.

I wonder about a lot of things…

But I’m happier now…

 

I couldn’t pick up anymore.

I ran out of words.

My memories were choking me.

I ran out of breath.

 

But I’m happier now…

I met someone.

Well I think I did.

Here’s hoping she thinks of me in the same way.

Can’t put the cart ahead of the horse.

But she seems nice. Churchy.

But into financial literacy,

maybe she is the type of girl for me.

 

I’m sorry I couldn’t pick up anymore.

I simply ran out of words.

I needed to move on.

I needed to forget.

I needed to remember who I was.

I needed to forgive.

I needed to heal.

I needed this feeling…

 

…. So long ago

And forever to go.

 

*Letters to a ghost, part 3

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Respectable Thoughts

Respectability politics or the politics of respectability refers to attempts by marginalized groups to police their own members and show their social values as being continuous, and compatible, with mainstream values rather than challenging the mainstream for its failure to accept difference.

The concept was first articulated by Evelyn Brooks Higginbotham in her book Righteous Discontent: The Women’s Movement in the Black Baptist Church, 1880–1920. In the context of black American history, respectability politics was practiced as a way of attempting to consciously set aside and undermine cultural and moral practices thought to be disrespected by wider society, especially in the context of the family and good manners.

The development of African-American politics of responsibility has been traced to writers and activists including W. E. B. Du Bois and Booker T. Washington, and has been used as a way of understanding the election and political trajectory of Barack Obama. President Obama has also been criticized for his use of respectability politics during his presidency, as when he brought up issues of black criminality during his speech following the November 24 grand jury decision regarding the shooting of Michael Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. One of the most open proponents of respectability politics is former-NBA player Charles Barkley.

——> Dictionary Definition (Game)

Respect, self-re·spect

(noun)
  1. pride and confidence in oneself; a feeling that one is behaving with honor and dignity. Synonyms;

    self-esteem;

    self-regard;

    amour propre (rightful love of self);

    faith in oneself;

    pride –  a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired (fulfillment);

    dignity – the state or quality of being worthy of honor, a composed or serious manner or style, impressive stateliness;

    morale –  the confidence, enthusiasm, and discipline of a person or group at a particular time;

    self-confidence.

    —-> What I think (thus my opinion)

 

Respectability politics is a catch phrase for the now. It’s cool to say and cool to dislike but this is the foundation that our grandparents raised us on. The same foundation that used to breed a sense of courage, confidence, and pride in our community.

The ironic part is that those of us that benefited the greatest from going to school, respecting authority, earning a job, and live day to day – some with families, tell the others that it’s not important even though they yield daily rewards from being decent human beings.

Respect isn’t about pleasing someone else. (that’s not in the definition) 

It’s not about hanging your head low. If you read the definitions; it’s about self esteem, confidence, dignity, morale, fulfillment, and etc…

Having respect for someone else doesn’t guarantee that they will respect you. (that’s not in the definition).

Having respect for someone else doesn’t mean that they won’t kill you. (that’s not in the definition)

Having respect is something that is of you, for you, and your how to. It’s all out how you coexist in the world.

Getting well dressed, open doors for you. It really helps your appeal with the opposite sex. It garners respect but it isn’t part of the definition of respect.

Getting educated builds confidence. It helps you. It breathes new words into life.

Speaking proper English and switching to slang is OK. Other groups do it too. We are all trying to be clear and understood. It’s OK to code switch, if it can help you communicate your message.

Respecting authority is OK. What if they don’t respect you; go ahead and re-read my thoughts. I respect everyone that comes in contact with me, even when they disrespect me. I do have my tolerance level but i’m not 0 to 100 with everyone.

I choose to carry myself with honor until truly called upon.  So I ain’t fighting anyone, you have to be right kind of special and the odds have to be in your favor. I stood up against 1 vs 3. I stood up at gun point. 

I stand up because I learned to respect myself and when push comes to shove, I’d be ready. Push comes to shove, I never run from a fight.

If respectability politics = being confident in my abilities, well groomed, determined, convicted in the commandments, rational, strategic, community growth oriented; well, I’m in great company. The President is a great role model. It’s all a choice. I choose to have a career where I don’t care to express myself in my hair (it is just hair to me). I choose to respect everyone, even those that hate me. It’s a choice; a choice that doesn’t guarantee that someone (black/white/hispanic/other) wont’ kill me.

Fellas don’t let these ladies fool you; in the end, they all want a man with a job, dresses well (in context) and carry themselves with confidence. 

 

U.S. President Obama listens to remarks during event held to honor members of U.S. teams and delegations from the Sochi Olympics  and Paralympics at the White House in Washington

U.S. President Barack Obama at the White House in Washington April 3, 2014. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (UNITED STATES – Tags: POLITICS SPORT OLYMPICS)

 

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“To see 4 of the best basketball players in the world dressed impeccably and speaking up plainly and eloquently on an issue means volumes. Image matters. Growing up an impressionable sports fan like any young male, you want to emulate these guys. I like that they also broadened the platform to speak on gun violence in our own communities. Critical. ‪#‎espys‬” – Daniel Nicolas, Community Leader, Mentor and young Professional